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Carl Davis

Webcommando

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Savage Worlds RPG

Musician Jokes


About Me

I'm the force behind Webcommando. I'm a musician and technologist that leads a team of engineers building incredible devices. I really enjoy writing music when the time allows. I once worked on iPhone applications but my passion for table-top gaming is taking all my attention. I've created a few gaming aids and trying my hand on writing.



Overview

This website showcases many of the project areas that I enjoy working on or interested in. This revamp of the site leverages responsive pages as an exercise to see how the process worked. Some areas of work--such as iPhone apps--are waning while other--writing adventures--are growing.

So what can you find?

  • Music created for myself and projects/teams at work. Yeah, it is a little strange.
  • I often Game Master for table-top Role Playing Games (RPG). I've created some settings and adventures...and many game aids including a "Loot Roller" for those GM's who want to add some random spice. I have material for Savage Worlds and GenCon events I've run.
  • Some stupid lines and ideas from over the years. I even have a collection of old 8 Bit computers.

Amplifier

Original Music

Abandon At My Place - The Band

My personal music project is produced as Abandon at My Place. I create original music as a solo artist and enjoy it greatly. Take a listen to the music if you like and hopefully enjoy!


I like writing music with a heavier sound ("love the sound of distortion in the morning") and I'm inspired by artists like Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, Stone Sour and many of the hair metal bands of the eighties (yes, I'm an older guy).

I use Fosusrite recording rigs (Saffire Pro and Clarett) into a MacBook Pro. Logic Pro 9 and, recently, Logic X are my DAW of choice. Hasn't stopped me from capturing some ideas on the iPhone Garageband using a guitar input dock. I do most of the amplifiers simulated in Logic now but previously would record from my Mesa/Boogie Rectifier. Dealing with drum setup is a hassle, so now everything is MIDI from my electronic drums or AKAI control surface. Still miss the thump my Mapex kit provided but I'm still happier this way!

Musician Jokes

Funny Stuff...

How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, and two guitarists to take the credit.


How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but a roadie has to set up the ladder and give him the new bulb first.


How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines that can replace a drummer..


How do you know when the drum riser is level?
When there's drool coming out both sides of the drummer's mouth.


So there's this band and they're playing a gig. It's going amazingly, they're all in the pocket and the audience is loving it, moshing and skanking like crazy. The band notices that a local major record lable talent scout is in the back of the club and the drummer starts thinking to himself. "We're gonna be rich, we're gonna be famous! I'm gonna be able to buy loads of gear, it'll be awesome!"

The singer is thinking, "Wow, we're gonna be rich, we're gonna be famous. Everyone will know my name and all the pretty women will want to sleep with me!"

The guitarist thinks "Wow, we're gonna be rich, we're gonna be famous! I'm finally gonna be able to support my designer drug habit."

The bassist thinks "C-D-G-D-C..."


Three musicians and a drummer walk into a bar . .


What did the bassist say to the guitarist?
Who cares, you cant hear him.


Producer to Drummer: That sounds good, could you play that with a bit more dynamics?
Drummer: I cant, i'm playing as loud as i can...


Q. What was the last thing the drummer said to the band before he got fired?
A. Hey, why don't we try out one of my songs?


How do you get an musician off your front step?
Pay for the pizza


How many drummer's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they have machines to replace drummers now.


What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A DRUMMER


How do you get a trumpet section to play fortissimo?
Write mp on their sheet music.


How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You know its about to happen, but you can't do anything to prevent it.


How do you know a drummer is knocking on your door?
The knock speeds up.


How do you know there is a singer at the door?
They can't find the key, they knock out of time and don't know when to come in.


how do you get a guitarist to stop playing a guitar solo...You put sheet music infront of him"


how many country bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1, 5, 1, 5, 1, 5


Mommy i wanna grow up and be a musician
Honey we've already discussed this, you cant do both



This guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.

This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.

When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep."

The manager says, "No! Drums must never stop. It's very bad if drums stop."

"Why?"

"When drums stop...bass solo begins.


What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?
Homeless


A man walks into a shop. "You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremolo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."


How do you get two guitarist to play in unison?
Shoot one.


What is the range of a bass guitar?
...about 20 yards if you have a good arm.



A one time musician reaches adulthood...it does happen...gives up the rock and roll life style and marries. He gets the mortgage and the kid. The child reaches his teenage years and hearing of Dad's youthful adventures decides that he too would like to become a musician.
Dad says, "Okay, but you must do this properly and take lessons on the instrument. What do you want to play?"
Junior replies, "I want to be a bass player."
"Fine," says the proud Dad and he goes out and buys a Junior a bass and amp and arranges for the lessons. Junior returns from his first lesson and Dad asks how it went. "Great!" says the lad,"I learned all the notes on the E string." "Terrific!", Dad replies.
The next week Junior returns from the 2nd lesson. Dad asks again how it went. "Cool", says Junior, "I learned all the notes on the A string." "Good progress," smile Dad.
The next week Dad comes home to find Junior sitting with his Nintendo. "Hey, I thought you had a bass lesson today. " Junior looks up and says, "Yeah, but I blew it off, I've got a gig."


Whats the difference between a pizza and a bass player.
A Pizza can feed a family of four.


How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lighbulb?
3, 1 to do it, and 2 to argue about who can do it better.


Sayings

You Lost That Techy Feeling

10) Strategy and vision are no longer used to describe development patterns or a pattern recognition system.

9) Your biggest source control issue revolves around which project plan to update

8) PowerPoint is now your tool of choice for mechanical drawings

7) Your biggest resource optimization problem is insuring that everyone's Outlook calendar is free

6) Amazon has stopped recommending "Uber Java for the L33t" and replaced it with "Paradigm shifting for Dummies"

5) You've finally forgotten the "q!" command in VI…or was that the "ctrl-q"…where's my mouse

4) The mythical man month now means anything can be done with enough people

3) You write an all employee email to see if someone can help you take a tab delineated file and change it to CSV. Special points if the reason was to get it into a spreadsheet

2) You do not understand why Dilbert gives his boss such a hard time

1) You no longer cringe, but shake your head in agreement, when someone starts discussing "Driving efficiencies by leveraging our core competencies while eliminating non value add activities in new game changing markets"